I Must Have a Puppy

February 10, 2013 - Trish Vradenburg

It occurs to me that my mother never told us some basics about what she wanted should she ever have Alzheimer’s. True, few people think in those terms, but since both my grandmother and mother had Alzheimer’s, there’s a good chance I will be next. So, here’s my first list for my husband, daughter and son:

1. I must have a puppy to lick me and stay by my side and think everything I do is wonderful.

2. Hair: I must always be a blond with shoulder length hair. No pixie cut. Only Mia Farrow and Peter Pan can carry that off.

3. Pink coral blush to light up my face.

4. No chipped finger or toe nails. Once a week I want a fresh coat of Jungle Red.

5. Teeth must be flossed. My teeth have to be kept in pristine shape. If – heaven forbid – I need a root canal or even a cavity filled – don’t forget the Novocain.

6. A pearl necklace is a must. I want to look like a lady.

7. I would like a weekly kosher hot dog with mustard, relish and sauerkraut.

8. At least once-a-day say, “My you look thin. Can I get you a Snickers bar?”

9. I love my iPod. Make sure I can listen to it.

10. Speaking of music – I love Broadway tunes. Feel free to throw in “Rhapsody in Blue.”

11. Blue and red are great colors for me. I don’t want to wear any funereal black. Except for slacks since black is slenderizing.

12. To my kids: No Bimbo. If Dad takes up with one, please do not let her in the same room with me.

13. Move me to LA. I love the weather and will have no need to stay in the East to go sledding.

14. Play movies I love (list to follow). When in doubt, a good chick flick will do. Nothing scary. I’ve paid my dues with action flicks.

15. No smoking. Even if a nurse smokes outside, I can smell it. I’m a nicotine free kind of gal.

16. Daughter only: Pluck all long chin hairs.

17. Make sure my grandkids visit me.

18. Keep working on a cure. I want to hear the words, “Alzheimer’s is over. We’re bringing you back!”

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